Leading Without Doing It All
The Coaching Moment
I was coaching a client who had recently started coaching his staff. I asked him how it was going. He said it was great, except he can’t possibly complete all the great ideas that they have. I paused and then asked, “Why do you have to complete the tasks?” He looked at me with a look of pondering that quickly changed to “aha” and finally to relief. He laughed and said he felt like he had to do everything for the team to help them be more efficient.
This is common in business and in life. The idea of “servant leadership” has come to mean that the boss does it all. That’s simply not true and can have negative effects. Whether you’re leading a team in a workplace, leading a volunteer group, or leading your kids, people don’t want you to do everything for them because it makes them feel like you don’t trust them to do good work. My youngest is in the “I can do it myself” stage, which can be much slower for me, but how else will he learn how to do it if he doesn’t practice? The truth is, we never really grow out of that stage, it just looks a little different as we mature.
Delegating vs Deflecting
The dilemma for many leaders is being confident that they are delegating versus deflecting work. The best way to combat that is to agree to clear expectations. The next time someone suggests a great plan, try the following:
“That’s a great idea. I can see your passion around this. Is it something that you’d be able to take the lead on?”
If the answer is yes, verify they have time by asking, “How much of your time do you think it will take?” and “If you’re doing this, what are you not doing?”
If the answer to the first question is no, then ask, “What’s holding you back?” You may find that they lack the knowledge or confidence to run the project or that they truly do not have time. Once you understand the reasoning, you can create actions around needed support or offloading other tasks temporarily.
The Outcome
My client came back about a month later and told me, “It wasn’t done exactly how I would do it, but the project is done, the team is totally bought in, and it works. The best part is that I didn’t have to lift a finger!”
Letting go can be tough, but if we want our teams or our kids to grow into strong, well-rounded adults and employees, then we must remember that we can’t, and shouldn’t, be doing everything.
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