The Hidden Toll of Change—and How to Handle It with Grace

Kristina Schmitt
2 days ago
3 min read

Why every transition—big or small—deserves patience, space, and self-compassion.

Woman journaling emotions to process change and grief

I’ve been thinking a lot about change as of late. Every change is a small grieving cycle – filled with emotions. The Kubler-Ross Change Curve says we’ll go through shock & Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, then finally acceptance. Unfortunately, there’s no milestone or finish line when you move from one stage to the next. In fact, you typically move back and forth and up and down the curve before you finally accept the change.

A foggy road representing life transitions.

The journey can be hard, it can be ugly, but ultimately it makes us stronger, more self-aware, and more capable and prepared to deal with the next change.

Supportive conversation between friends during a life transition

Whether it’s you or someone in your care, what’s needed is an ear to listen, support when struggling, and freedom to say and do all the wrong things sometimes. Even if the change is wanted, there is still grieving, resistance, and what feels like chaos happening inside. The most important things people need when in this are time and patience.

Here are some practical ways you can support yourself or someone else going through a big change:

Lower Expectations

One of the hardest parts about learning something new is realizing that you may not be the expert (yet). Understand that whether it’s a loss, a new process, or an exciting move, there are new things that will take time to learn and master. When frustration hits, pause and look for progress and successes. Celebrate how far you’ve come.

Take time for rest.

Learning new things takes extra energy for your brain and your body. One of the main functions of our brains is to conserve energy. A primary way that it does this is to create programs and auto-responses. When we try to undo those automated responses and create new ones, it takes more mental energy. Add to that the additional stress and emotions being felt, and you’ll find that the body can be completely taxed. It may feel like there isn’t time, but plan rest. A walk, sitting quietly, or even a short nap can be helpful. Note - scrolling on a phone or watching tv is not real rest and will stress your brain even more!

Listen

If you’re supporting someone else through the change, take time one-on-one to allow them to speak about the emotions or frustrations their feeling – even if they’re not directly related to the change. Stress will express itself differently in everyone, so look for changes in attitudes or actions and ask about them.

If you’re the one who’s going through the change, find someone you can trust to listen to you. What gets repressed gets expressed. Taking time with a friend, counsellor, or coach to express your emotions and frustrations when you need to will prevent them from coming to the surface when they shouldn’t.

Refrain from giving advice

When someone is struggling, it can be challenging to not help them resolve the issue, but when we tell people what to do, it can put them on the defense or even make them feel like they are incompetent. Instead, ask questions about what they’re thinking or feeling, encourage them to brainstorm next steps, and allow them to decide what that is. This increases commitment and confidence.

Resilience through change, flower blooming.

When going through change, we all need an ear to listen, support when we’re struggling, and freedom to say and do all the wrong things. Whether it’s you or someone else, being patient when expectations aren’t met and giving time to do nothing but grieve will do more in the long run than pushing through.